It was recently reported in one of the capital's free newspapers that "Croydon tops chav poll", meaning that the south London 'burb is the chavviest place in the UK. Kate Moss' hometown received 4,000 votes, placing it well ahead of nearest rival Hull, on 2,853 votes. Hull may have Premiership status, but according to Chavtowns (a now defunct website listing unattractive towns), the south is where it's at for Burberry accessories and Staffordshire Bull Terrier ownership. Even Croydon's nearby neighbour, Bromley, won a place in the top ten.
A lot of people slag off Croydon, perhaps rightly so, but on visiting Camden the other night (see here for further details), I was shocked by what I saw. The place is full of so-called 'trendies'. Yes, it was a case of spot the hermaphrodite / drug dealer / prostitute. Live and let live you say? Absolutely. Besides, it gives the squares great entertainment value. For as long as I can remember, everytime I've ventured up to Trendyville I've been accosted by one of these types and the other night was no different. 'Michelle', a twenty something lass with no teeth from Manchester asked wether I was a policeman. After being initially insulted, I replied that I wasn't and she then asked me if 'I wanted any business'. She said that she'd 'lick my balls and everything for a tenner'.
Taking a leaf from a News of the World reporter's book, I made my excuses and left, but not before telling her that it would cost her a lot more than a tenner for her to do that to me.
You'll never get that kind of offer in Croydon.
12 comments:
Michelle if you're reading this. Come back. All is forgiven.
No teeth?
How could you pass up a good gumming?
Apparently Bromley's got the least attractive men and women in London, too. Bexley's not far off.
Hey! You're back!
Hee hee. Love the "tenner" line!
Camden brings me out in a rash. A whole bunch of posers descend on the place every day to twat about. I hear that it drives the real inhabitants crazy.
Croydon on the other hand I like. Our structural engineers' office is there and I enjoy popping in for a cuppa. A very civilised place.
I have to say that being born and raised in the captivity of Sarf London I actually LOVE all things Norf, if only for the "I'll never be that way" factor. I always take time to appreciate all the effort that some folks have gone to: the hair, the make-up, the gazillions of ear-rings, and I can't help but think to myself (in my Old Man Inner Voice)... you'll never get a job dressed like that, will you, eh?
I dig Camdenites, but I wouldn't want to actually touch one.
You should think yourself lucky that you got acosted. Never happens to me.
Hee hee,ha ha now your mother knows where you are. (and what you're up to)
You should have said: "you wouldn't want to do that luv, It's just a load of old bollocks.
DH - No Michelle, please stay where you are...
MJ - Well, when I say 'no teeth', I meant that they had decayed into a jagged set of diseased fangs. Could've been painful.
Geoff - I should feel at home in Bromley. Up the uglies, there's more of us than the beautiful people in this world.
Dive - I'm back but only for a little while - I have so many other sites to catch up on, apologies to those that I haven't visited - probs with internet connections at the moment.
We are very civilised in Croydon - cheers!
Kenski - Hello Ken, nice to have met you the other day - you're right about the Camden trendies, spot on!
Axe - Perhaps it was the best offer I've had but I'd be stooopid to go with it. It makes me shudder just thinking about her teeth.
MoMad - Spot on again. I wonder whose mother she was?
Croydon sounds like a bit of a nightmare, I'll stay in cowtown, thanks!
Croydon - home of the Croydon facelift (and original home of London's airport).
Camden - home of the Chinese goths.
damn, sugar, i had to google all those places! ;-) so, camdem shouldn't be on my list of places to visit?
Joanne - We have cows in Croydon and they all wear Croydon facelifts. See Llewtrah's comment.
Mee-ow.
Llewtrah - Japanese goths, actually ;-P
Savvy - Only visit Camden if London Zoo happens to be closed.
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