It was recently reported in one of the capital's free newspapers that "Croydon tops chav poll", meaning that the south London 'burb is the chavviest place in the UK. Kate Moss' hometown received 4,000 votes, placing it well ahead of nearest rival Hull, on 2,853 votes. Hull may have Premiership status, but according to Chavtowns (a now defunct website listing unattractive towns), the south is where it's at for Burberry accessories and Staffordshire Bull Terrier ownership. Even Croydon's nearby neighbour, Bromley, won a place in the top ten.
A lot of people slag off Croydon, perhaps rightly so, but on visiting Camden the other night (see here for further details), I was shocked by what I saw. The place is full of so-called 'trendies'. Yes, it was a case of spot the hermaphrodite / drug dealer / prostitute. Live and let live you say? Absolutely. Besides, it gives the squares great entertainment value. For as long as I can remember, everytime I've ventured up to Trendyville I've been accosted by one of these types and the other night was no different. 'Michelle', a twenty something lass with no teeth from Manchester asked wether I was a policeman. After being initially insulted, I replied that I wasn't and she then asked me if 'I wanted any business'. She said that she'd 'lick my balls and everything for a tenner'.
Taking a leaf from a News of the World reporter's book, I made my excuses and left, but not before telling her that it would cost her a lot more than a tenner for her to do that to me.
You'll never get that kind of offer in Croydon.
