The following is a description of honest sales patter found on eBay:"Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather said my daughter, that is if you could find one big enough (her words!! Not mine) when she unwrapped this SO NOT A CHRISTMAS PRESENT - and tried not to show her feelings of utter shock and revulsion at this epitome of bad taste, crap and tat!!
Try standing there, she said making "oohs!" and "ahhs!" of appreciation when you just wanted to hit the B*****D who bought it round the head with it. "Its lovely, its sooo nice - Ive waited for one of these my whole life" - yeah right!!! Such a good friend - NOT!! Where did she get it from? What shop, bazaar or market stall would sell THAT? - The Trading Standards should close them down!!
What the hell was going through her mind when she bought THAT? Did she forget to take her medication? Was she on the christmas sherry? What use is THAT to me? - my daughter asked. Its as much use to me as a chocolate fireplace!!
WHY THE FUR???
Did I tell you - its supposed to be a table lamp?
WHY THE FUR???
Is there an ugly sister out there with need of it (well, you couldnt give it to poor Cinderella could you?) mind you, where she'd find the matching one beggars belief!!!
Maybe an arty farty, long haired, frilly shirted designer type could snap it up for a home make-over show!!!
WHY THE FUR???
We thought of donating it to a charity shop but dont want the customers to have the screaming abdabs looking at that - the shop needs all the customers they can get, so I thought "GOOD OLD E-BAY!!!"
Please, please, please, please x 2000, someone out there buy this from my daughter. She's moving into her first home soon and I really dont want her to have to take it with her - I dont want her having nightmares.I dont want it left behind either - Ive got enough problems!!!
Did I tell you its supposed to be a table lamp? It lights up and everything. God forbid the spectacle!!!
WHY THE FUR??? (answers on a postcard only please!)
I suppose we could keep it and charge an entrance fee to see it all lit up in its splendour (its even got a bulb). No, I dont think so - too much responsibility.
So, we have reluctantly decided (NOT) that good old e-bay wins. So come on you fools, sorry REALLY REALLY NICE PEOPLE bid generously!!!
Hang on a minute, could we really live with ourselves though taking your hard earned money? No - so, we have decided that all monies raised from this "work of art" will be donated to our favourite charity Breakthrough Breast Cancer.
WE THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!!!
A very Happy New Year - could be even happier if you become the proud owner of THIS!!!"
Try standing there, she said making "oohs!" and "ahhs!" of appreciation when you just wanted to hit the B*****D who bought it round the head with it. "Its lovely, its sooo nice - Ive waited for one of these my whole life" - yeah right!!! Such a good friend - NOT!! Where did she get it from? What shop, bazaar or market stall would sell THAT? - The Trading Standards should close them down!!
What the hell was going through her mind when she bought THAT? Did she forget to take her medication? Was she on the christmas sherry? What use is THAT to me? - my daughter asked. Its as much use to me as a chocolate fireplace!!
WHY THE FUR???
Did I tell you - its supposed to be a table lamp?
WHY THE FUR???
Is there an ugly sister out there with need of it (well, you couldnt give it to poor Cinderella could you?) mind you, where she'd find the matching one beggars belief!!!
Maybe an arty farty, long haired, frilly shirted designer type could snap it up for a home make-over show!!!
WHY THE FUR???
We thought of donating it to a charity shop but dont want the customers to have the screaming abdabs looking at that - the shop needs all the customers they can get, so I thought "GOOD OLD E-BAY!!!"
Please, please, please, please x 2000, someone out there buy this from my daughter. She's moving into her first home soon and I really dont want her to have to take it with her - I dont want her having nightmares.I dont want it left behind either - Ive got enough problems!!!
Did I tell you its supposed to be a table lamp? It lights up and everything. God forbid the spectacle!!!
WHY THE FUR??? (answers on a postcard only please!)
I suppose we could keep it and charge an entrance fee to see it all lit up in its splendour (its even got a bulb). No, I dont think so - too much responsibility.
So, we have reluctantly decided (NOT) that good old e-bay wins. So come on you fools, sorry REALLY REALLY NICE PEOPLE bid generously!!!
Hang on a minute, could we really live with ourselves though taking your hard earned money? No - so, we have decided that all monies raised from this "work of art" will be donated to our favourite charity Breakthrough Breast Cancer.
WE THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!!!
A very Happy New Year - could be even happier if you become the proud owner of THIS!!!"
Should you wish to bid on this item, click here.
3 comments:
It beggars belief Ister. And looks like it breaks all the health and safety regs re: electrics. Electrics and fur - not a good idea if you ask me.
Hasn't someone invented fire-resistant fur yet?
It's something I was thinking about last time I blow-torched that live mink.
I'm glad you told me what it is. It's, errm, weird.
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