Earache

Have you heard the one about the Aussie-Cypriot performance artist who had an ear implanted into his arm? I SAID HAVE YOU HEARD...oh never mind, go get yours syringed, why don't you. Why on earth would anyone get another ear and place it halfway down their arm? To listen closely to their own farts? If so, they'd be a brave soul if they decided to implant a nose next to it just for the full sensory effect after a night on the Guinness. Perhaps, instead of implanting a nose on his other arm, Stelios Arcadious could plant a fourth ear to it which would enable him to listen to the quadrophonic mix of the new re-release from Black Sabbath in greater detail. That'll be handy. Stelios, who looks uncannily like the late actor Peter Boyle, managed to find a kindred nutter to do the op after a ten year search but he is looking to fit the ear with Bluetooth capabilities. This is of course a similar stunt that was originally executed by the Vacanti mouse who had a human ear grafted to its back but without Bluetooth. Nor did it have Wifi, although rumours suggest that it had a USB port wedged up its arse. As an artist, Stelios plans to go one further by getting a donkey's penis grafted to his forehead and wiring it up to receive Sky Sports so that he can watch Soccer Saturday during downtime on his lucrative weekend tours of Hoxton. What a class act.