Things are certainly looking up for East Riding's former Sunday League hopefuls Hull City AFC. Not only have they fluked, er...I mean, competitively won a place in the premier tier of English football - and in doing so have sold out all 63 allocated season ticket placements for the forthcoming season - but player/manager Gay Photon (née Ellis) was present at a special press conference to help launch a new range of merchandise for the club.
"I'm extremely proud to be part of all this excitement" said Mrs Photon, "we have been consulting with the best marketing experts that money can buy from Yorkshire, and we feel that we can now finally offer our fans quality product at a reasonable cost".
Among the fresh items on display was the much awaited new replica kit.
"The shirt is something that has the whole ground buzzing with anticipation, we've had eight pre-orders for it already!" cried Gay. "As we're often seen as a backward fishing village from oop norf, we've decided to introduce articles that will be sold from our club shop as objets d'art to prove that there is a level of high brow culture in Hull. Our team have come up with a most intriguing and novel inclusion with the Nick Barmby Toby Jug".
However, sharp intakes of breaths were simultaneously sucked in by all sports reporters at the conference for the unveiling of the most daring item yet.
However, sharp intakes of breaths were simultaneously sucked in by all sports reporters at the conference for the unveiling of the most daring item yet. Gay Photon: "As this is our first time in one of the most prestigeous leagues in Europe - if not the whole world - we have decided to pull out all the stops for our most ambitious product yet; a limited edition Dean Windass signature Les Paul".
The guitar features a AAA+ grade plywood body with balsa wood neck and the obligatory rosewood fingerboard. The Dean Windass LP comes in only one finish, a black and amber (or "blamber-burst") tiger stripe top which is to be a sure fire hit with any former Welly Club gig goers. But even this was outdone by the next merchandise item on display; the life-size Gay Photon action figure with life-like hair and no less than three soft orifices. 
Spraying The Rays beer and football correspondent Stray Photon said "This is a business triumph for our club. I can't wait until we get our hands on the full £60 million to see what we'll come up with then! I particularly love the 'action figures', I've ordered one for every day of the week!"
Next week: 2009/10 Championship league game predictions: Hull vs Palace - another draw?
7 comments:
Well I'm laughing!
Did they deliberately ignore the extra thick crash mats for the swift return down to earth?
That Toby mug's almost put me off drinking.
I mean "jug".
The mug on the jug.
Objets d'what?
Tha's a cheeky booger.
We've sold 85 season tickets, not the pitiful 63 you suggest.
Lovely guitar though but.
sp
KISS KISS (G S) GOOD BYE here comes Ist.
I'd have another think about that doll, and as for the Toby I'd end up punching the head off it by the end of the night.
Love your energy man.
Howesy - They'll cross the relegation bridge when they come to it I guess. Which'll be in about 9 or 10 months time.
MJ - The mug and the jug would put anybody off drinking. They should use them at AA meetings.
Stray - 85? Isn't that overdoing it on health & saftey regulations? I thought the ground only held 72.
Momad - Cheers. Just what is it about Toby jugs that irks most people?
What the Hell is going on with Hull?
By rights they should be slogging it out with the Bees in Hoofball Div 3.
Still love Michael Turner. Don't think even he will stop them getting Derby'd next season though.
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