OBITUARY: The Dave Howes Band ? - 2008 R.I.P

Starving for your art is neither big nor clever, but at least it's economically viable. If you're a comfortable artist, the passion for producing art dwindles with every self-satisfied shilling that is earned by the nano-second. Every drop of Krug that is quaffed by the milli-litre gradually detaches the artist from the true nature of his or her creations. Some exponents of art (be it visual, music or literature) are able to reach these dizzy heights of success, they earn the kudos and the financial rewards that follow and in turn get comfortable. They lose that spark, that vision, that passion, that urge to build upon a beautiful vision. The alchemical process of the architect crumbles because you cannot construct using fair-weather foundations.
The Dave Howes Band (pictured above clockwise from left; Dave Howes, Otto Bastion-Smythe, Ian "Sticks" Flashman and Jeremy “Fingers” McGraw) never had much time to sample the luxuries that success has brought many other bands. They were the most unluckiest bastards on the planet. Disaster followed catastrophe so often that it was all bound to end in tears.

Unfortunately, it ended recently in tragic death for all with only the band leader, David Howes left alive, the rest of the band burnt to a crisp in their spiritual homeland of Penge. Emergency services called to the scene were shocked at the sight that greeted their eyes. The charred and smoked remains, the odious stench of burnt hair and sizzling flesh were enough to scare some of the paramedics called to the scene, who ran back out of The Pig and Gristle pub to gasp some fresh air amongst the heavy traffic fumes outside. Shockingly, the band actually managed to play the first chord of their first song before being electrocuted. An investigations officer for the London Fire Brigade blamed an electrical fault, but the file has been left open for now, pending further investigation.

The Dave Howes Band had their embryonic beginnings when four like-minded individuals came together in search of a musical harmony that was, for all intents and purposes, to be unleashed upon a consumer seeking a back-to-basics approach to songwriting. Fed on a diet of Fame Academy, Popstars and X-Factor fodder, it was time for a real band, a people's band to rescue honest music lovers from televisual vegetation.

How these individuals actually got together is lost in the dark ages of the band's early days. What we do know is that they all shared a communal way of life, thanks to bassist Otto's parent's lottery winfall. They had the trappings of success, so they decided to seek the kudos to go with it, resulting in sheer bad luck as they sought gigs and managers. They never ended up settling for either, as it all went from bad to worse.

Remembering The Dave Howes Band yesterday was Dougie Barnett, lead singer with skinhead band Black Death And Other Fantastic Stories.

"They're a bunch of pussies, they should be killed" said Barnett. On informing him that they already were, Barnett went on to remark "Yeah, well, erm...that's what happens sometimes, innit? I knew they were dead really, just testing, like. I never cared much for them anyway. I never care much for anyone, come to think of it."

They may not have managed any live appointments in their time, but they did make it into the recording studio as is evident in this photograph on the left. It shows Dave Howes alongside guest vocalist Tasha Maplethorpe singing on a song called "Shimmy on Down the Dole Queue". Perhaps it is the curse of TDHB that no surviving versions of this song exist, as the master tapes and the 20,000 compact discs that were made for the market had gone up in smoke with the rest of the warehouse that they were stored in. Police investigations are still ongoing, with arson being the possible cause of fire. Perhaps this was an omen of things to come?

The people of Penge will not miss TDHB, simply because they never got to see them perform. But let this be a lesson to all up and coming bands hoping to ride the crest of adulation that many of today's pop combos relish. That lesson is plain for all to see - always employ a qualified electrician at gigs.

Otto Bastion-Smythe leaves 43 children and 6 teenage pregnancies.