Culinary Review

Unilever Pot Noodle - Southern Fried Chicken Flavour

After The Daily Telegraph's preview of Pot Noodle's Doner Kebab snack, I thought it would be fitting for this high-brow blog to expand on the subject and conduct a taste test with its Southern Fried Chicken flavour (no chips included - come on Unilever, you're losing your audience already).

We've all been victim, er, privy to this curious hole filler at some point in our lives, wether it's been used to kill hunger pangs during times spent as an impoverished student or as a short stop gap snack during a rushed lunch break at work.

To celebrate a successful 25 year history, the makers of Pot Noodle have decided to move with the junk food times and have released new flavours based on Britain's trashy take aways of choice.

The presentation of this exquisite dish is in keeping with the usual fare of bright garish colours, just enough to alert pissheads and potheads looking to quench their munchies to its existence on the shelf of a late night garage without having to focus a stoned, bleary eye on the writing that's printed on the container. "Bright coloured plasshhtic tub...thash'll be Pot Noodle then...hic!"

On peeling back the stiff silver foil, the usual welcoming sight of dried noodles and brown-reddish powder come into sight. So it's a matter of putting the kettle on and filling up to the arrow mark once the water has boiled. Garnish with a sprig of parsley (or apply the included satchet of tomato sauce) to taste.

Throughout history, man has been forever impressed with complexity, but a wise man will be impressed by simplicity and that's exactly what you get with the Pot Noodle concept. No waiting in rowdy queues on a Friday night at KFC, Morley's or any other greasy Dixie Fried Chicken type eaterie once you've got a few of these stocked in your larder and ready for action. If you have a relatively clean water supply and an electric kettle, you're on a one way ticket to Hasslefreetown for post-closing time grub.

But what does it actually taste like?

Here's the problem. If you are sober, stay away. I repeat, STAY THE FUCK AWAY! I made the grave mistake of trying this without having consumed at least half a bottle of bourbon prior to shoving a forkfull of this stuff into my gob. I gave it a chance, I really did, but I duly resigned this gruesome shit to the kitchen's bin before I got the chance to get through a quarter of it.

It's no Bombay Bad Boy - you have been warned.