All Chaved Up & Bored Shitless!

...Or so I thought I'd be. An early morning alarm call at around 7.00am urged me out of bed, for a quick shave and shower so that I could accompany the other 'alf to Stratford for her session of "Instant Muscle" (which sounds rude in itself, but I can assure you, it's very boring. Or at least, that's what she tells me). Instant Muscle is like a privatised Jobclub. Those who are unemployed are sent to this class (which is a compulsory requirement, as it helps the government "cook the books" when it comes to publishing unemployment figures), and for numerous weeks they are required to make CV's and look for jobs using whatever media is at hand.

The reason I was along for the ride was that later on, Charmaine, her Dad and I were to take Honey (her Dad's dog) to the vet to find out why she had a swollen rear right leg along with the recent sprouting of abnormal growths coming out of her head, feet and sides of her mouth. I was coming along to help to physically lift a 25 kilo dog, if required. I dropped Charmaine off at 9.00am with the aim of returning to pick her up at 3.00pm (Honey's vetenary appointment was at 4.00pm). That meant I had a good few hours to kill, but I was damned if I was going to spend them in Stratford.

I decided to head for the beautiful Essex countryside, a.k.a "Lakeside". A vast shopping centre with many other commercial outlets around it. I chose Lakeside as opposed to Bluewater, as the latter currently has a ban running on "hoodies". They'd never let me in.

I arrived at 10.00am only to find most of the shops still closed. Not to worry, I got meself a coffee and waited for them to open, so that I could start a bit of browsing. I went into a bookshop. The first book that grabbed my attention was Michael Drosnin's The Bible Code 2: The Countdown. I skipped right to the back of the book for the ultimate prediction. It revealed that Armageddon will occur in 2006. Shit, that's this year!

So, just to re-cap on this: Armageddon will occur in 2006. That's what was written in that book. After I got over my cardiac arrest, I carried on reading. Armageddon will occur in 2006...or it will not...it depends on our actions. Well, fuck me! This year I may get run over by a bus...or I may not...it depends if I don't look where I'm going whilst crossing the road!

That book went back on the shelf where it belonged. God only knows the times and dates.

My mince pies were then diverted to the biography section. Books on Nigel Clough, Peter Shilton and Oliver Reed proved to be good for a cheap thumb-through, as did the true crime section with a book on bare knuckle boxing. I managed to quickly digest the part that describes Roy Shaw and Lenny McClean's unliscensed fight in a Croydon nightclub. All-in-all, 3 hours were pleasantly killed in that bookshop. Sorted. A quick butchers in Costco was uninspiring, which told me that it was time to start making a move back to Stratford.

On my way back, I decided to stop in at West Ham United FC's official merchandise shop at Upton Park (I know that there is a similar shop in Lakeside, but they haven't got a built in museum). I was looking for a DVD of WHUFC's defeat at the hands of the mighty PALACE in the play off finals for the 2003/04 season. I had more chance of finding rocking horse shit.

What did grab my attention, was a book documenting the history of Thames Ironworks FC (a football team that was the seed of the present day WHUFC). I cursed at having to fork out a tenner for a club that I don't actually support, but then again I thought that if I was to actually start attending Palace away games, then that's more or less what I'll end up doing anyway. I was more interested in seeing the museum, but before I knew it, time ended up being my enemy yet again, and I had to skidaddle to pick up the other 'alf at 3.

Eventually, we get round to her Dad's home to pick up Dad and Honey. Honey had a bit of difficulty getting into the car (an awkward two-door Fiesta) and she stumbled as she tried to climb in. She still seemed positive at the thought of going on a trip. It's just that she wasn't aware that it was a trip to the vet's.

On arriving, the place was desserted, as everyone seemed keen on seeing the forthcoming England match which had a scheduled kick off at 5.00pm. Honey was seen to quickly without much waiting time having passed. The vet examined the 15 year old mutt, and promptly made his prognosis. It was either a bad infection or a form of blood cancer. The vet hedged his bets on the latter. Following his advice, Honey was given two injections, one an antibiotic, and the other a steroid solution with a course of tablets to follow. Honey's progress is to be monitored over the next week, when she will return to see the vet for a further examination.

Then it was back to Dad's place for chicken and chips all-round. Honey seemed to enjoy this delicious morsel of junk food, which was great, as she hadn't eaten for quite some time. The idiot box was on and we watched England come alive in the second half. Their perseverance payed off, with Crouch scoring a header from a Beckham pass followed shortly by a classic Gerrard goal. It was an improvement on their last game against Paraguay, but only just. They still need to step up a gear if they are going to take on the big guns.

It's gonna be the nationals from Sven-land next.

Oh, Stac sent me a text and so did Jules. I shall send Jules an email tomorow. Stac shall have to wait for now, I'm a trifle busy.