Thursday, January 18, 2007

Lost In Translation

Below is part of an e-mail I sent to Stac (who is currently residing happily in Holland):

England is the same old England.

Celebrity Big Brother is BIG news at the moment.

One of the housemates, Shilpa Shetty - a Bollywood actress, has expressed concern over what she deems to be 'rascist behaviour' aimed at her by fellow housemates Danielle (age 19? and Teddy Sheringham's current squeeze), Jo O'Meara (former member of artificial pop combo 'S Club Seven') and ringleader of the 'bullying clique', Jade Goody (famous for being, erm, famous - courtesy of Big Brother).

This outrage has gone to Parliament (I kid you not!!!) courtesy of our old friend Keith Vaz!!!

Fucking Keith Vaz!!!!

Gordon Brown is currently in India for some diplomatic trip or other, and the locals over there are burning effigies of the Big Brother producers! I'm sure that Tony Blair welcomes this kind of news, as it diverts the general public's mind away from other issues (ie; the conquering of the middle east, or at least, the bits of the middle east that have oil reserves).

I'm still looking for some rock solid proof as to what has been said in the Big Bruv house that was a rascist remark. Yes, ethnic accents have been mimicked - it's something I've done loads of times (especially the 'Brum Barroi frem Auf Weidersehen Pet' accent), but they've never mentioned my name yet in Prime Minister's Question Time in the House of Commons. Indians have mocked my accent before and I laughed 'till I ached, before giving them Sarf Lahndahn elocution lessons.

It's also interesting to note that another of the B.B. housemates, none other than Jermaine "I played bass in the Jackson 5" Jackson, called (in an indirect way) Jade Goody and her family "White Trash".

Where's the White Trash backlash?

What a sorry fucking state of affairs we are in when this is the top story on the six o'clock news and there's a 3 hour phone-in discussion on this topic on the Vanessa Feltz BBC London radio show.

What seems to be even more sad is that the recent argument in the B.B. house between these bickering groups exploded over the alleged misuse of some Oxo cubes.

20,000+ viewers (and counting) have made complaints - apparently the highest count in Endemol's history. How many viewers rang in to complain about the disgusting violence between international armed factions that has been recorded and / or televised live in recent years? I'd love to know the figures, just so that I can compare them.

So there you go. Parliament debates over a domestic argument kicked off by unfair rationing of Oxo cubes.

Why the fuck would you move over to Holland?

England is where all the fun is.

Love to both Anna and yerself,

Speak soon,
*
Istvanski.

18 comments:

Howesy said...

"Where is the white trash backlash?"...

I think you'll find it in the cess pit outside the trailer mate.

Istvanski said...

My sentiments exactly, Mr Howesy.

Anonymous said...

Later on in life, John Mcenroe (of tennis fame) admitted that most of his antics on the tennis court were inspired by the mere fact the spectators wanted him to explode with a verbal tirade at the umpire.

It became something of an expectation!

B.B is now like that, the identity of the show has been lost...lost in a steaming pile of sensational shit that has been building since it's origin....oh yeah.

rockmother said...

I miss John McEnroe's tirades - and his playing. Tennis hasn't been the same since.

Anonymous said...

RoMo...you're certainly right there, he was the best tennis player I've ever seen.

rockmother said...

Ever ever ever. He's the don!

Anonymous said...

Yeah...he's the Wimble-don! ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

Hey Ister....ones things bothering me with all this 'Stac' stuff, if he's still living it up in Holland..who is financing his continued stay there? how long has it been...one, two months now? and what about the alcohol bill..who's footing the bill for that? Oi be jeyzus!!

rockmother said...

He's probably moved onto Northern Lights by now and is staggering round in a big billowing haze of skunkweed

Betty said...

Tell you something, you're complaining about the obsession with Celebrity Big Brother, but Big Brother started in Holland with a Dutch-based production company, Endemol.

Just thought I'd be pedantic.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and they should of kept it there!

Istvanski said...

RoMo - I'd rather watch John "chalkdust" McEnroe in action than BB, he was a lot wittier when he argued with the umpire.

Jif - I suppose his beau could be financing Stac's stay in the Netherlands, unless he gets dole over there as part of this EU intergration thingummy whatsit...although I'm not sure if the Dutch government would grant him Spliff Allowance.

Betty - I'm glad you noticed the Endemol / Dutch connection, well done! First prize wins you a pair of tulip smelling clogs, which are clod-hopping their way to you any time soon.

rockmother said...

How's Chazza? Have you sorted out the garage yet?

Howesy said...

... rude and completely irrelevent too. Bloody cheek. You'd never catch me being rude and completely irrelevent. Bugger buttocks gism splash.

rockmother said...

wank toss aspirin viagra loan ormolu veneer - that's about the usual tone of spam I seem to get these days.

Anonymous said...

RoMo....that comment you just made, cracked me right up! ha ha ha ha ha

Howesy said...

I don't get spam any more. I get more of a spasm. A subtle difference but more enjoyable on the whole [sic]

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that some, or most people get spam....Howesy gets spam-spasm's and the rest of us get spam-orgasm invites?